Several years ago I acquired a chestnut mule named Sweet Pea. I wasn't in the market for another animal,  but those long ears and soft eyes sucked me right in. Not to mention, she was “in need" of a home, so I felt justified in my decision. In hindsight, I greatly underestimated what I was getting myself into!  Luckily,  I was one hundred percent committed to cultivating a quality partnership. 

 Sweet Pea had been through several homes where she was misunderstood and unfortunately mistreated. I made a promise to her that I wouldn't be one of those people who sent her down the road because she was "difficult." (full transparency: I 100% support people making choices that suit their best interest, even if that means finding a more suitable home for their horse, but that's for another blog!). 

     Understandably, Sweet Pea relied on many coping strategies when she felt the slightest bit uncomfortable. One of those behaviors was pulling away when she was online.  It was a quick move, a tilt of the head, a pull of the nose, and she was gone, doing as she pleased while the lead rope dragged behind her. The first time it happened, I thought it was a fluke ( enter mule experts: nothing a mule does is a fluke!).  I thought, “oh, that won't happen again. She just got confused”. To an extent, she was confused but mostly scared, and I wasn't doing anything to change it. I just kept doing the same things in the same ways, and she reciprocated with the same move over and over again.

  It wasn't until the 5th or 6th time she pulled away that I started to realize what I was doing wasn't working. So I began a quest for more knowledge. I asked those that I looked up to, but dismally, the answers I received weren't in my wheelhouse.  Honestly, I didn't resonate with any of the advice offered to me. The solutions included “putting a bit in her mouth, and when she tries to pull away, it will be harder for her to do so.”  Or “when she leaves, make it harder for her, by causing her to move more.” None of the suggestions felt right to me (check out my blog on congruence for a step-by-step guide on how to pinpoint what you're feeling ). Alternatively, my instincts were strongly suggesting that I simply stop doing what makes her run away! So that's what I did…...but that meant I had to give up my riding goals, advancing groundwork, liberty, basically everything because everything caused her to leave!  

    Letting go of my agenda was not easy, but it felt like the only option to build the relationship.   My method consisted of noticing and reinforcing anytime she chose to put effort towards being with or relaxing near me. Whether in the pasture, corral, or stall, I would give her scratches or treats anytime it was her idea.  If I had to lead her, I made sure it was to a place where she was motivated to go, like to the pasture to get turned out. That's all I did (or didn't do) for months and months. Slowwwwly, but surely, she started to be more relaxed around me and even got comfortable enough to show me her favorite spots to be scratched. Eventually,  if for some reason she got worried or confused, she would come right back to me, and we would have treats or scratches. This period of positive reinforcement was a huge turning point for our relationship. As she got more comfortable, I did more with her online, and she maintained the connection. To this day, she hasn’t offered to leave. 

A massive test for us was during the summer of 2020. We had to evacuate due to the flames of a wildfire threatening our property.  The only way to load the horses was on the street, with sirens, police officers, and low-flying helicopters. Sweet Pea got a little spooked at one point and started to run sideways, but instead of turning to leave, she came right back to me. I gave her a scratch, and she got into the trailer. At that moment, I was so grateful for the trust we built. It wasn't the number of our interactions but the quality within the quantity that created a stronger foundation for our relationship. 

Knowing how to identify quality interactions is a huge asset when we want to have lasting partnerships with our horses. I wish I had learned to recognize the difference way sooner in my horsemanship journey!  Let's dive into some ways we can understand the signs of the most common equine communications. 

    There are three main "modes'' that horses use to acknowledge our attempts at communication: they either choose to respond, react, or shut down. We want to get good at recognizing the characteristics of each mechanism. Please note, this is not an exhaustive list of traits but an overview of possibilities. Horses can fall into all of these categories at one point or another,  which is why it's essential to be familiar with each different mode.  

Is your horse responding?

A response is ideal. It's an indicator that we have mutual communication with the horse.  Our horse will look engaged in a relaxed way (soft eyes, ears, nose, and tail, breathing with rhythm ). They will put effort into being with us and what we ask.  When in responding mode, our horses are willing to try to understand what we are communicating.  Their threshold for “conversation” stays progressive with every interaction.  For us, it will feel free flowing, relatively easy and (hopefully) fun. 

 Is your horse reacting?

A reactive horse often uses movement in a defensive way. This can look like: coming towards us with their bodies, leaning into or resisting pressure, moving away from us with their bodies, and avoiding pressure.  Sweet Pea was in this mode when she would run away with the lead rope. These horses are utilizing reaction mode as a means to cope with our communication or other stimuli.  For us, these interactions can feel very activating because the horse will be expressing themselves in a powerful way which can cause us to feel defensive, angry, fearful, and everything in between.  

Is your horse Shut Down?

A shut-down horse uses a lack of interaction to cope with the environment and stimulus. So think of a horse with no desire to interact or one that does what is asked of them but has no genuine interest in what’s happening. They will be the more robotic type if they do what is requested of them.  You will notice their body will be very quiet, their eyes and ears are disconnected ( even sleepy-looking); if not acknowledged in severe cases, they can “explode.”  For us, these horses can evoke lots of confusion and frustration because they can be hard to read. It can feel like it takes a lot of our energy to communicate with them.  Horses that shut down stay in their internal "happy place." It takes patience, openness, and a willingness to take the time it takes when a horse is in shut down mode.   

Three ways to cultivate responding mode

We want to make a point to stay in “responding mode” as much as possible.  The quality of our interactions is dictated by how well our horses can participate willingly in any given situation. To keep the quality, we may need to adjust our approach. Make changes according to your unique situation and what feels right to you and your horse. 

1. Try a new method.  Your instincts are going to need to speak up. How is your process feeling to you? Does it feel like there is room for progress, or are things getting progressively worse?  With your current method, how long is your horse in a reaction or shut down mode? (this should be a small fraction( if any )of your sessions and will minimize over time with appropriate methods)  

2. Put your goal/task on a shelf for a bit. Sometimes our “wants” are not what the horse “needs.” Does your goal/task also include what the horse needs?

3. Notice where and when your horse loses the ability to hold a “conversation'' and cut down the session to prevent the pattern of reacting or shutting down.   Short quality interactions beat longer, more activating communications every time. The more our horses can feel safe in our presence, the more they will be themselves, the more they will feel intrinsically motivated to engage in what we are trying to accomplish. We want to create a space for our horses to do more with us in the long run! 

Staying in a responsive mode will take some work!

Mutual communication requires us as horse owners/handlers to be aware of our horses' states at any given time. We have to adjust as needed, which can be challenging, especially when it is not our second nature.  However, with consistency and a solid commitment to a better relationship, we will form new habits and become more fluid in adapting our approach.  We may have to make important decisions about the interactions we have and what we ask of our horses.  If our horses are simply coping with our communication by reacting or shutting down, rarely will progress be made. There will be a cycle of repeating patterns and even a downward spiral of behaviors the longer we spend in these types of interactions and not in a mutual responding mode.  Lastly, through quality interactions,  we build a solid foundation to revisit any previously neglected goals and have a better chance to move forward. Putting time into quality interactions instead of perpetuating modes of coping is how our "horsey dreams" come true!!

“ What we practice grows stronger!”

-Shauna Shapiro, Ph.D.   

***For more information about equine body language and specific exercises that build connection, relaxation and trust, check out the Resources Page where I list several different training styles and approaches that put the horse first.